Here are the challenge rules:
"Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)
For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!"
And now for the good stuff:
Pappy’s Fiddle
The door swung open and a tall gray-bearded man stepped over the threshold.
“Pappy!” the children screamed. They leapt from the floor and gathered around him, hugging his legs, and smiling up at him.
“Well, I declare!”
Pappy shut the door and sat his case on the floor, then hugged them back.
A child, slightly older than the rest, stayed hidden in the shadows. He crossed his arms and watched the old man as he put the smaller children on his knees and bounced them and laughed as they pulled his beard and tugged his ears.
“Pappy, play us a tune!”
“Well, alright.” He sat the children down and pulled a fiddle out of his case.
The boy in the shadows frowned, then went to the door and pulled it open.
“Son, you’ll wanna stay for this,” Pappy said to him.
Pappy’s bow hit the strings and the boy froze. Notes leapt from the fiddle, filling the room with musical honey, and the children fell into silence and stared at Pappy’s fiddle in awe.
Goose bumps formed on the boy’s arms and, unable to control his reflexes, he smiled, then let go of the handle and the door swung shut.
If you like my short story swing on over the Rach’s blog where you can read tons of other stories like mine. (Tons of other stories may be an understatement.) I'm #292 by the way.
Such fun, lighthearted images. Children thrilled to see Pappy, and magical music bringing all members of the family together. Lovely.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely ending, you paint a great picture of music helping a child to belong.
ReplyDelete"Musical honey", loved it. This had a wonderful tone and I really enjoyed the way it flowed.
ReplyDeleteI'm not surprised you wrote about music! Nice scene with the child connecting to the old man through his fiddle. Perfect picture too.
ReplyDeleteThat was lovely! A testament to the power of music. Very, very well-done! :-)
ReplyDeleteLike the others I think your story is great! I wrote a children's story,too. I'm #296.
ReplyDeleteAwww, that was such a sweet piece. I'd love to hear the music too!
ReplyDeleteAh, a cheerful story at last! Wish I could write like you :)
ReplyDeleteWould like to invite you to The Rule of Three Blogfest ---a month-long extravaganza in the fictional town of Renaissance this October, with some great prizes, comment love, and of course, a lot of exposure for your writing.
We could do with some fun, games and music at the town of Renaissance. Hope to see you there!
What a sweet scene! Music has a way of bring people together, doesn't it? That was awesome.
ReplyDeleteGood work! :)
"Well, I declare." You had me from there. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWow, what a great story. I loved the way the kids played with Pappy and how the bitter boy ended up with a smile too. Happiness can often be overlooked as an intriguing and exciting emotion - but you utilised it very well here. As a judge for the first challenge, I'm glad to say that you've been shortlisted to move onto round two. Great work :)
ReplyDeleteI like this and the idea that he could be won over by music. Well done. Mine is #72
ReplyDeleteHi there,
ReplyDeleteFellow campaigner paying you a return visit.
Love this story, I could clearly visualise the characters.
Claire
I really like this! I think you have done a great job at capturing a moment of wonder and awe that even a little sourpuss can't deny. Great job.
ReplyDeleteLike it? I love it. Well done!
ReplyDeleteYou had me at "Well I declare" because it felt like home. Sweet!
ReplyDeleteYou have created a wonderful melody here. It made me think that the boy is destined to become a great musician.
ReplyDeleteVery fun
ReplyDeleteWow! Thanks for the feedback, everyone! So glad you all enjoyed it!
ReplyDeleteFiddles always bring goosbumps to my arms as well. :) Wonderful and sweet story!
ReplyDeleteOk. This just goes to show how demented I am...I got the creeps from your story...like Pappy was the Pied Piper or something - his fiddle mesmerizes the kids and then he can kidnap them or molest them or something...GOD I'm so completely screwed up!
ReplyDeleteBut man, I thought it was SUPER AWESOME!
This is such a sweet story. Love it :)
ReplyDeleteI love the characterization in this piece. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteI like how sweet and light-hearted this is. Very different from much of what I've read in the challenge, so far. (I'm still making my way through the entries!!)
ReplyDelete